Wednesday, June 22, 2011

And by rant, Leland means ANGER FURY STORM!!!

*note: today's lawncare issue inspired Leland to write his own rant on the subject. He felt that his perspective wasn't adequately covered by Anna's post. Take it away, Leland!*

It's probably for the best that Anna was the one around when the landlord came to discuss the "state of our lawn". I wouldn't have yelled at him (he has nothing to do with it...he's a nice guy just passing on the message). But I would have been so furiously angry, that large custom made signs may quickly have adorned the front yard.

I have trouble deciding which topic I would like to talk about first, so let's go at it and you can decide which of these topics is the most important to you.

1) It is indescribable to me how asinine it is get all uppity about "the yard". HAVE WE NO PERSPECTIVE? Are people so wrapped up in their Victorian/Georgian ideals about proper society that they can't see that "the yard" is some upper-class, aloof ideal about recreating nature in the middle of a city so they can feel better about having destroyed that nature to build their damn houses in the first place. HANK HILL IS A CARTOON CHARACTER, NOT AN IDOL (though quite funny).

2) I'm pretty much the last person to openly utilize such fratboy lingo, BUT GROW A PAIR AND TELL ME TO MY FACE THAT "THE YARD" DISPLEASES YOU. Seriously, I think we can have a totally normal conversation that will leave you and me happier. It's grass, not something of actually importance, but I will take your uber-Euroamerican feelings into at least a small amount of concern.

3) If a few tall weeds and grass that extends over the toebox on your shoes is what causes you to take civil action, you live an unbelievably pathetic and uneducated life. In the American southwest, modern Euroamerican ideals persist about "the yard" to such an extent that we have green grass and golf courses IN THE MIDDLE OF A FREAKING DESERT. Doesn't anyone get this? The Hoover Dam exists to hold back water from the Great Basin and Pacific Northwest and divert to a bunch of people WHO LIVE IN THE DESERT. If you want to live in the desert, that's cool. Do it the right way--and the American ideals of "the yard" don't jive with desert living.

4) Don't worry, I'll cut the grass (actually, Anna and I will both cut the grass).

Seriously, dudes, it's grass. Keep your pants on.

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